In case you missed the first episode: Last week, Donald Trump sent Tim Cook a passive-aggressive love letter wrapped in red, white, and tariff paper. We covered it in detail here. This week, things escalated faster than your iPhone battery drains after an iOS update.
Wall Street Goes on Low Power Mode
Apple share price plunged 2.6% this week after Donald Trump declared that all iPhones not manufactured in the United States would be subject to a 25% tariff — or, as he calls it, “freedom tax.” Wall Street analysts immediately began crying into their avocado toast.
One investor was heard yelling on CNBC:
“$3 trillion market cap, and we’re acting like this is a Shopify dropshipping business now?”
The drop wiped out nearly $60 billion in market value, also known as “one-third of a Vision Pro headset.” Experts are warning that if these tariffs materialize, Apple’s annual earnings per share could drop by $0.51, prompting one analyst to mutter, “That’s like ten cents in Cupertino, but a meltdown on NASDAQ.”
Trump: The iCEO We Never Asked For
At a Florida rally that smelled faintly of resentment and spray tan, Trump made it clear:
“If it ain’t made in the USA, it’s made to PAY. Apple has to build in America — or else Tim Cook’s next keynote is from Rikers.”
He waved a giant cardboard cutout of an iPhone with a red sticker: “25% Tariff Approved.”
An imaginary Trump initiative was even leaked to reporters:
- “Apple Store at Mar-a-Lago”
- Siri voice pack: “Yes sir, Mr. President”
- iPhone 18 Pro Max: MAGA Edition (now with Fox News app pre-installed)
Meanwhile in Tamil Nadu: “iPhone Nagar” Just Upgraded to 5G Confidence
As Trump rattled his tariff saber, Foxconn’s Indian operations quietly sipped chai and sent Cupertino a memo that just read: ‘LOL.’
Foxconn is investing over $1.5 billion to expand its manufacturing operations in India. Already, 18% of global iPhone production took place in India in 2024, and that number is expected to hit 32% by 2025. At this rate, Chennai may soon replace Shenzhen as Apple’s new spiritual home.
One anonymous Foxconn manager reportedly told us:
“We’re not just assembling phones. We’re assembling Trump’s migraine.”
A billboard outside the new factory reads:
“Welcome to iPhone Nagar – Now Hiring Engineers, Not Excuses.”
The $500 Billion Olive Branch (Also Known As a Bribe)
In an attempt to silence the tariff tantrum, Apple announced it would invest a whopping $500 billion in the U.S. over the next four years, creating 20,000 jobs, mostly in places ending in “swing state.”
Tim Cook released a statement:
“We believe in the American Dream, especially when it comes with IRS deductions.”
Peak View’s sources say Apple is already planning a new campus in Florida shaped like a bald eagle holding an Apple Pencil.
But critics argue this move is a diplomatic U-turn that makes Cook look like a Tesla GPS — willing to reroute at the slightest red hat sighting.
Sticker Shock: iPhone 17 May Now Cost $3,499 — Charger Still Sold Separately
If Apple were to shift full-scale manufacturing to the US, analysts say the average price of an iPhone could shoot up to $3,500.
Here’s our Peak View breakdown of future costs:
- $1,200 – Aluminum & chips
- $900 – Domestic labor
- $500 – “Made in USA” sticker
- $899 – Emotional damage and Siri therapy subscription
In short, Americans may soon be forced to choose between a new iPhone or college tuition. Many are opting for a third option: returning to the Nokia 3310.
“Back to Snake 2, baby,” said one Gen Z rebel, now a viral icon on TikTok.
MAGA Hats Still Made in China, Thank You Very Much
Ironically, the same vending machine next to Trump’s podium selling MAGA hats was later found to contain tags reading:
“Manufactured in Guangzhou.”
An Apple intern overheard the former President asking, “Can we slap ‘Assembled in Texas’ on them instead?”
Tim Cook’s Siri Rebrands as a Crisis Counselor
Siri’s response to the latest Trump rant:
“Would you like me to schedule an emergency meditation with Tim Ferriss?”
Apple engineers are now working on a new update — Siri 2.0:
- Passive-aggressive tone detection
- Trade war prediction algorithm
- “Find me an offshore manufacturer” shortcut
The Meme Market Reacts
Twitter, Truth Social, and Reddit were on fire:
- @FoxconnIndia: “Relax, Uncle. We got this.”
- @elonmusk: “Time to launch the iTesla. Runs on Mars OS.”
- @ThePeakViewStories: “At this rate, the next Apple product will be a iPanic Button.”
Even meme stocks like GameStop saw minor fluctuations because, hey, why not?
Final Byte: Trade War 2.0 — The App Store Strikes Back
What began as a geopolitical flex has now turned into a full-on supply chain soap opera. Apple is stuck between Foxconn’s pragmatism, Trump’s populism, and Wall Street’s panic algorithms.
In short:
- Trump’s tariff threats could redefine Apple’s global production model.
- India’s iPhone Nagar is laughing all the way to the bank (and the App Store).
- America may get jobs — but also $3,499 iPhones and a CEO on blood pressure meds.
Stay tuned with The Peak View Stories for the next episode. We’ll bring popcorn. And maybe a landline.
Disclaimer: This story is a satirical take on real events, corporate melodramas, and political power plays. While Apple’s share price did drop and Trump did talk tariffs (again), we may or may not have exaggerated how Siri feels about it. No MAGA hats or iPhones were harmed in the making of this article, though one Wall Street intern did panic-Google “How to move to Canada with a Pixel.” For legal clarity: We make jokes, not investment advice. And definitely not trade policy.