It was just another normal day at the White House. Birds chirped, flags waved, and Donald Trump prepared to greet his next international guest by mentally sorting allies into three categories: “Paid Me,” “Might Pay Me,” and “What’s Their Name Again?”
This week’s guest? The new German Chancellor, Friedrich Merz – a man known for his fiscal conservatism, Atlanticist leanings, and unfortunate timing.
Welcome to “Disrespect with Don,” Episode 3 –
If you’re new here, don’t worry. It’s not an official White House series… yet. But in terms of pattern, it’s as reliable as Trump’s hair in a hurricane.
Previously on Disrespect with Don…
- Episode 1: Volodymyr Zelenskyy
Arrived seeking military support, left with unsolicited campaign advice and a Trump monologue about “how he would’ve ended the war in 24 hours—if only people listened more to Hannity.”
- Episode 2: Cyril Ramaphosa
Attempted to discuss U.S.-Africa economic cooperation, but Trump hijacked the conversation to ask if South Africa could help “build a wall between Texas and Austin liberals.”
And now…
Episode 3: Enter Friedrich Merz, with Facts and Faith in Multilateralism
Chancellor Friedrich Merz entered the White House armed with trade data, NATO projections, and a polite smile — also known in D.C. as “rookie mistakes.”
Friedrich Merz goal:
- Reinforce U.S.-German ties.
- Strengthen NATO collaboration.
- Avoid being verbally flattened.
Donald Trump’s goal:
- Collect 5% of Germany’s GDP.
- Secure a bulk discount on BMWs.
- Remind Europe that “they still owe us for Normandy.”
The Great GDP Debate: What Donald Trump Demanded vs What NATO Agreed
Donald Trump, in true form, slammed Friedrich Merz with a bold proposal:
“I don’t deal in 2%. I want 5% minimum. Or… a factory discount on BMWs. I’ll even take a 7-series for Ivanka.”
Fact check:
- NATO’s actual target is 2% of GDP.
- Germany currently contributes 1.57% (as of 2024).
- Merz, a known NATO supporter, has advocated increasing defense spend toward 3.5% by 2030.
Friedrich Merz responded with restraint:
“Chancellor Merkel once said diplomacy is the art of compromise. Clearly, this is abstract expressionism.”
German Chancellor Friedrich Merz: Tomorrow is June 6th, D-Day, when the Americans once ended a war in Europe
Trump: “That was not a pleasant day for you.”
Merz: “This was the liberation of my country from Nazi dictatorship”
pic.twitter.com/aRxUfk3HUz— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) June 5, 2025
Donald Trump’s Other Favorite Topic: German Cars
Trade talks turned personal when Trump once again brought up Germany’s auto industry.
“Too many BMWs, not enough Buicks. America First, unless you’re selling me a convertible.”
Merz tried to steer the conversation toward transatlantic trade resilience.
Trump asked if BMW had a “Trump Edition” with gold trim.
No deals were made. No tariffs lifted. A MAGA hat was signed.
Europe Reacts: EU Leaders Watch the Show from the Balcony
European diplomats tuned in like it was reality TV:
- Emmanuel Macron was seen muttering “Mon Dieu…” under his breath.
- Olaf Scholz, sipping tea in Berlin, reportedly said: “Told you so.”
- NATO Secretary-General considered replacing Trump’s NATO binder with crayons. Just to test if it helped.
What You Came Here For (Yes, We Fact-Checked the Circus):
| Topic | What Really Happened |
| NATO Contribution | Trump demanded 5%, Merz reaffirmed support for 3.5%. Actual NATO target: 2% |
| Auto Trade & Tariffs | No formal new tariffs, but Trump threatened to “tax German air next.” |
| US – Germany Relations | Still intact… technically. No deals signed. |
| Tone of Meeting | Tense, theatrical, and thoroughly Trumpian. |
| Trump’s Quote of the Day | “I’m the NATO now. Tell Stoltenberg I said so.” |
Post-Meeting Spin: Diplomatic or Delusional?
Merz’s official statement:
“The meeting was candid and constructive.” (German for: Send help.)
Trump’s takeaway:
“Great guy. Might vote for me if he was American. Still owes NATO. And me.”
Coming Up Next on “Disrespect with Don”:
- Narendra Modi (pending confirmation): Expected to be welcomed with a chai cup and a request for campaign tips.
- Justin Trudeau: Already warned not to bring socks with maple leaves.
- Kim Jong-Un: May appear as a surprise “pop-in” guest, if the Secret Service lets it slide.
Final Thought – From Peak View to You:
In a world where diplomacy demands nuance, strategy, and respect — Trump offers reality show charisma, a Sharpie, and economic ultimatums.
Stay tuned with The Peak View Stories for Episode 4, (Or just check NATO’s group chat. It’s leaking faster than Mar-a-Lago’s safes.)
Disclaimer (Because We Like Staying Out of Courtrooms): This article is a satirical take on real events. Yes, Friedrich Merz did meet Donald Trump. No, he wasn’t invoiced for 5% of Germany’s GDP (that we know of). All quotes not found in official transcripts are obviously fictional – but emotionally accurate, depending on how much news you’ve consumed this week.
At Peak View Stories, we blend fact-checked reporting with a generous pinch of sarcasm and a squeeze of humor. If you are confused whether something actually happened – don’t worry, so are half the world’s diplomats.
Reader discretion advised. Especially if you are Trump’s legal team.