CHUNCHEON, SOUTH KOREA – On a calm Tuesday morning in Chuncheon City, the sound of military boots was replaced by squeals, sobs, and the unmistakable thud of thousands of lightsticks being waved like ceremonial swords. Why? Because RM and V of BTS have officially been discharged from military service, and the BTS ARMY has reported back to duty — emotional duty, that is.
The event was meant to be a solemn, orderly transition of two young men from military life to civilian freedom. Instead, it turned into what historians may someday refer to as The Great Global Fandemonium of 2025.
RM and V Leave the Army, But Enter a Bigger War: The War of Screams
In the heart of Chuncheon, two figures in sleek Korean military uniforms stepped out, saluted, and smiled. That should have been it. Except it wasn’t.
Around 200 fans gathered outside, according to conservative estimates. Unofficial numbers? Somewhere around 15,000 souls, including humans, drones, holograms, and one very confused pigeon holding a miniature banner reading “Kim Namjoon Nation.”
The crowd wasn’t just Korean. Fans had flown in from Mexico, Turkey, Brazil, Indonesia, and possibly Mars. Reina Lorena Quintero Sevilla, a fan from Mexico City, reportedly flew 18 hours and declared, “It felt like 18 seconds. Time bends when it comes to RM’s dimples.”
The Scene: Roman Generals Meet K-pop Royalty
RM and V emerged from the barracks looking like Pixar-rendered warrior poets, fresh from an 18-month training montage. RM, clutching a salute and a selfie stick, scanned the crowd like a benevolent general returning from battle. V, meanwhile, casually tossed his military dog tags into the crowd, sparking a brief but intense scuffle reminiscent of a Super Bowl fumble.
Behind them, a giant float marked “Veterans of K-pop” carried Jin, J-Hope, and Suga, waving like Miss Universe winners, throwing purple petals at the crowd while a jazz remix of “Dynamite” played on loop.
ARMY Reactivates: Fans Faint, Flags Wave, and Social Media Melts
Across the globe, BTS ARMY members initiated Protocol Purple Phoenix — an unofficial emergency fan response system that includes the following actions:
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Posting 75 TikToks per hour
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Crying in HD
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Rewatching “RUN BTS” episodes as a spiritual cleanse
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Buying merch they already own, but “in case the new era demands freshness”
In Istanbul, fans reportedly blocked traffic for six hours singing “Butter” in harmony while holding candles.
In São Paulo, purple fireworks were set off over the city skyline with banners reading “Welcome Back, V!”
And in Seoul, servers at BigHit HQ had to be cooled with industrial-grade fans due to “emotional overheating.”
RM’s Statement: “It’s Good to Be Home” (Internet Breaks)
After an 18-month silence filled only with workout pics and black-and-white boot camp photos, Kim Namjoon (RM) broke his vow of non-digital celibacy.
“It’s good to be home. Thank you for waiting,” he said.
Six words. That’s all it took. Twitter (X? Whatever) collapsed. Wi-Fi across three continents sputtered. Elon Musk tried tweeting “X is fine!” but was drowned out by 19 million quote tweets saying “NO IT’S NOT, RM SPOKE.”
V’s Energy? Unbothered King Meets Gucci Samurai
Kim Taehyung, known to mere mortals as V, appeared with the energy of someone who had just conquered both North and South Korea — with charm. Wearing sunglasses indoors (because why not), he signed an ARMY Bomb with a wink that sent five fans to the ER due to severe swoonage.
“He looked like a military James Bond but also like a guy who could ask your grandma how she’s feeling in fluent French,” said one Brazilian fan. “We weren’t ready.”
Meanwhile, at the Border: North Korea Asks “Who Are These Guys?”
A source inside a North Korean military outpost was reportedly seen looking through binoculars and saying, “Why is the south throwing a festival for two men? And what’s with all the purple smoke?”
The “purple smoke” was, of course, from drones spelling out “WELCOME BACK KINGS”, a project reportedly crowd-funded by BTS fans within 24 minutes of the discharge announcement.
Jin, J-Hope, and Suga: The OG Veterans Return to the Spotlight
Jin, who was discharged last year and now holds the unofficial title of “BTS Elder Statesman,” greeted RM and V with open arms and open memes.
J-Hope performed a dance tribute involving military drills fused with hip-hop, which some called “Seoul’s answer to Hamilton.”
Suga, serving as a social service agent, appeared via livestream sipping tea and whispering, “One of us. One of us.”
What’s Next for BTS? The 2025 Reunion and Full Emotional Collapse
With Jimin and Jungkook set to be discharged on Wednesday, the ARMY is already bracing for the full 7-member reunion. Fans have marked their calendars, cleared their streaming schedules, and cancelled all non-BTS-related plans for the rest of 2025.
Economists warn that South Korea’s GDP could skyrocket due to merch sales, tourism, and global digital engagement. Meanwhile, therapists report a sudden spike in “post-hiatus emotional recalibration” cases — primarily among K-pop fans.
Fan Comments That Will Live Forever
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“I took unpaid leave, maxed out my credit card, and cried for 6 hours. Worth it.” — Fan from Turkey
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“RM smiled at a butterfly. I saw enlightenment.” — Fan from Indonesia
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“If V said jump, I’d ask which galaxy.” — Fan from Brazil
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“I brought a goat from Mexico. For luck. And possibly an album collab.” — Reina Q.S., international icon
South Korea’s Official Statement: “Let Them Cook”
A spokesperson for South Korea’s Ministry of Culture said in a press release:
“We recognize the discharge of RM and V as a significant cultural event. We’ve given them the green light to go absolutely feral. Let them cook.”
The government also launched a temporary holiday: BTS Liberation Day, a 24-hour celebration of post-service selfies and emotional recovery streams.
Top 5 Most Outrageous Things Fans Did to Celebrate RM and V’s Discharge
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Camped outside Chuncheon for 3 weeks dressed as military trainees.
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Created an AI-generated hologram of what the discharge would look like… 3 months in advance.
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Printed a 14-foot-long banner reading “WE SURVIVED THE HIATUS” in 19 languages.
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Rewrote the South Korean anthem to feature the phrase “Bora-hae forever.”
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Held a full-blown wedding ceremony where the groom was a cutout of V in uniform.
Final Thoughts: Military Over, Emotional Damage Begins
As RM and V step back into the spotlight, the world rejoices. But make no mistake — this isn’t just about two pop stars exiting military duty. It’s about resilience, fandom, loyalty, fashion, and the occasional goat from Mexico.
The BTS ARMY, once dormant like volcanoes beneath a glacier, has erupted. Their kings have returned. And now, only one thing remains:
Stream. Cry. Repeat.
DISCLAIMER: This Article is Satirical, but the Feelings Are Real
This piece is a humorous, satirical take on the BTS military discharge event and the ever-passionate BTS ARMY. All quotes, actions, and reactions are exaggerated for comedic effect — though if someone actually brought a goat, we’d believe it.
If you enjoyed this article, don’t stop here. Visit Peak View Stories for more such funny, clever, and culturally-relevant satire. Whether it’s politics, pop culture, or purple smoke, we’ve got you covered with a wink and a word.